myhollypocket ([info]myhollypocket) wrote in [info]booju_mooju,
2010-03-04 10:23:00
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too many restrictions?

i am currently 18, and have moved in with my grandmother,72, to get to know her more.
i go to college full time, and work two part-time jobs (somehow my life isnt very busy)

my grandmother is an interior designer and has her own business. she was also married at 16 (she had a tough home situation) and moved a lot due to the army. because of this she is very demanding and controlling. which in my view is completely understandable- i am young and able to change, while her life is set in stone.

my problem is, she wants me to not date or have friends that are male, in the service, married, older, younger- THE LIST GOES ON FOR AGES. pretty much, her friends -although funny, nice, and interesting- are my friends. she is constantly saying to me, "when are you going to make friends your age?"

i hate to say this, but im so bored with my at-home life that i sneak out at night -not to party, but to hangout with people my age. i have a feeling one day ill get caught, but what would be my punishment? not go out- i already do that!

how would you handle this situation?

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  • 28 comments

[info]notodette

March 4 2010, 16:28:12 UTC 2 years ago

"i am currently 18, and have moved in with my grandmother,72, to get to know her more."

Looks like you know her more now, eh? I'd move out.

[info]thismakebelieve

March 4 2010, 16:47:51 UTC 2 years ago

LOL crap, I was going to post that and then you STOLE MY WORDS!!!!!!

*sob*

[info]notodette

March 4 2010, 17:04:23 UTC 2 years ago

(I have a sneaking suspicion, having been 18 and all, that the reason for moving in with Grandma was not *soley* to get to know her better. But, I don't know her/his life, you know. Maybe they are besties.)

[info]thismakebelieve

March 4 2010, 17:07:56 UTC 2 years ago

Well, it's about time the elderly got to reminding people that only sailors use condoms.

Can you even punish an 18 year old?

[info]notodette

March 4 2010, 17:15:06 UTC 2 years ago

Time out. 18 minutes.

[info]rikkicarey

March 4 2010, 17:18:07 UTC 2 years ago

Yay! I'm 41... what do I have to do to get a time out?
Please please PPPPLLLLLLEEEEAAAASE!

[info]notodette

2 years ago

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[info]cursed_genesis

2 years ago

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[info]si_anenome

2 years ago

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[info]voxangelus

March 4 2010, 16:32:44 UTC 2 years ago

Her house, her rules. Live with it, or move out. It's likely she's just trying to protect you, but the happy thing is that you're an adult and you don't have to live there if you don't want to!

[info]valkyriur

March 4 2010, 19:08:08 UTC 2 years ago

This.

[info]mahasin

March 4 2010, 16:40:55 UTC 2 years ago

I'd move out. You don't need to live with someone to get to know them.

[info]thismakebelieve

March 4 2010, 16:48:46 UTC 2 years ago

This. And honestly, judging my friends that I've had that then became room mates, sometimes living with someone just makes you like them a lot less =P

[info]therachel

March 4 2010, 16:52:48 UTC 2 years ago

Yeah if moving out is an option, the door's probably open yeah?
If it's not, have an honest conversation with her where you say, I'm 18, I'm not a floozy, I'm a responsible adult, and if there's truly a problem with me befriending males my age then I don't think this is the best living arrangement. I think you sound like a sweet and understanding person and your grandma just has a narrow view of how the world works today.

As long as your true goal isn't to get pregnant and do drugs, I think it's completely reasonable to say you need time with your peers.

Hang in there!

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[info]notodette

March 4 2010, 17:05:43 UTC 2 years ago

I think the way it's worded on spotlight is really confusing. If people are just joining from there and thinking that blurb is good enough to be the userinfo (which is clearly what they're doing) you're probably going to get quite a few more of these for a while...

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[info]rikkicarey

March 4 2010, 17:17:00 UTC 2 years ago

Darn, you are right... I answered before realizing this was posted in Booju-mooju :(

You guys hang out in LJ land more than I do... where should we send these people?

[info]notodette

March 4 2010, 17:32:56 UTC 2 years ago

I'm just answering them if I feel like it at this point. I actually think there is a good idea for a community in all this. One where teenagers come and post about their angsty horrible lives and parents that don't know them tell them if they're full of crap or not.

[info]impeccablyme

2 years ago

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[info]modestmichelle

2 years ago

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[info]rikkicarey

March 4 2010, 17:12:26 UTC 2 years ago

let me get this straight....
She wants you to make friends your own age but has set restrictions that prevent this.

Are these "restrictions" stated "rules to abide by in my house" or is it more just your impression that she would "not like" you to date/have male friends etc etc etc... btw... the list you have here of restrictions doesn't restrict you from "Friends your own age" and you state you are sneaking out to hang with people your own age...

I think maybe you have a communication problem more than anything. Talk with her. Tell her how you are feeling. Oh and Stop pretending she's your parent. If she's a strong controlling woman she will respect you more if you behave like a strong responsible adult instead of a "teenager". Ok, I know that last sentence sounds harsh... I don't want you to read it that way.... You sound like a very responsible teenager... you need to transition that into responsible adult. kwim?

[info]withluckysevens

March 4 2010, 17:55:08 UTC 2 years ago

Why are you really living there? Sorry, but this kind of stinks of "I got sent to grandma's house because I don't behave at home."

If I'm wrong ... just move out.

[info]uberliz

March 4 2010, 18:47:46 UTC 2 years ago

Well, if she's about to die or something you should try to spend as much time with her as possible.

If that's not the case: you should work on getting your own place.

[info]modestmichelle

March 4 2010, 22:38:49 UTC 2 years ago

you're 18 and sneaking out your grandmas window lolol

what's your agenda here in this community? i want a 12 page essay by midnight, no excuses.

[info]modestmichelle

March 4 2010, 22:39:24 UTC 2 years ago

and you aren't living there to get to know her. you're livin there cause it's free. don't be lyin.

[info]modestmichelle

March 4 2010, 22:41:32 UTC 2 years ago

OR mom and pops sent you to live with her for sneakin out windows/bringing dudes in your window.

[info]anglerfish07

March 7 2010, 00:14:28 UTC 2 years ago

and you aren't living there to get to know her. you're livin there cause it's free. don't be lyin.OR mom and pops sent you to live with her for sneakin out windows/bringing dudes in your window.

modestmichelle, there's no need to say this. You don't know everything about the OP's situation, so I'd rather you didn't make these assumptions about her.

myhollypocket: The best thing to do would be to move out. You have a right to do so, as you're an adult. Good luck!

You guys hang out in LJ land more than I do... where should we send these people?

rikkicarey, I think it'd be best to send these people here for more appropriate advice (the sites below actually give advice to teens on problems facing them):

http://community.livejournal.com/advice_chic/profile

http://community.livejournal.com/ojs_advice/profile

[info]xenophyle

March 5 2010, 19:27:58 UTC 2 years ago

Move out. Get your own place.

[info]jennzzz

March 7 2010, 15:26:26 UTC 2 years ago

I'd be telling your grandmother that you love her very much and appreciate her concern and her advice, however, you do need to live your life your way and, if they happen, make mistakes and learn from them. Explain to her that you are sensible and do not sleep around, take drugs, drink to excess etc - and your friends are like you (sensible people :)). Perhaps introduce her to some of your "good" friends and let her see for herself that, whilst her opinions come from the best of intentions (the love of a grandmother) she has no need to be concerned about you.
If its really unlivable, perhaps move on.
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